Day 6: Life With My Newborn (and My Sanity… Sort Of)
Sleep Update
It’s day six of my life with a newborn and I’m 93% sure I’m now part raccoon. Not because of my appetite for trash (although last night’s dinner of cold mac & cheese eaten over the sink might qualify), but because of the dark circles under my eyes and my tendency to hiss when someone tries to talk to me before coffee.
Everyone told me the first week would be hard. I didn’t realize that meant I would essentially become a human rocking chair whose soundtrack is white noise, shushing, and the occasional primal scream (mine, not the baby’s).
Let’s talk about sleep. Ha. Just kidding—sleep is a rumor. My husband asked me how many hours I got last night and I laughed so hard I startled the baby. The baby does sleep, of course, but only when I’m sitting at a 37-degree angle, wrapped in three burp cloths, holding her in the exact position that apparently unlocks the next level of baby sleep mode. If I move? We both explode.
Life With My Newborn: Personal Hygiene?
Showers? I took one yesterday and it felt like a spa vacation. Did I shave? Absolutely not. Did I wash my hair? Also no. But I did stand under hot water long enough to remember I’m technically a person and not just a milk-dispensing zombie.
Meals
Food? I eat like I’m competing in the Hunger Games. The fridge is my safe space. I’ve taken to hoarding snacks like granola bars in random parts of the house, so I don’t starve when I get trapped under the baby during a 2-hour “contact nap.” There is currently a sleeve of Ritz crackers in the couch cushions, and I regret nothing.
Emotional Rollercoaster
Reality check: I love this tiny human. She’s adorable in the way only a wrinkly, red-faced, constantly grunting creature can be. But let’s be real: the highlight of my week was when she sneezed and made a face like she’d just invented sneezing. Cutest thing ever.
But there’s also the absurdity: the fact that I can’t remember the last time I brushed my teeth on purpose. The fact that I now measure time not in hours, but in how many episodes of trash TV I can half-watch while the baby cluster feeds. The fact that my body feels like it ran a marathon but my brain is somehow still expected to know what day it is. (Spoiler: I don’t. Thank God for phones.) Plus, I sweat through the sheets again last night but for a brief moment, I thought I had peed the bed. I was like ‘ok, this is it, this is why I get divorced because I have lost all bladder control after having a baby’
Life With My Newborn Re-cap of Day 6
So yes, day six is a blur. It’s messy, hilarious, overwhelming, sweet, and just a little bit gross. But if you see me in public with spit-up in my hair and bags under my eyes, know this: I’m doing my best. And maybe also know that if you bring me coffee and a breakfast sandwich, I will love you forever.
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