Postpartum Mood Disorders…It’s Not Just You!

I sat down to write something about infant feeding or how to get your baby to sleep….but as I took a spin around Facebook and Instagram, what people are talking about in the parenting groups… I found one thing in common. 

Everyone is struggling. It’s not just you. 

I saw post after post about ‘I had no idea this was going to be this hard’ and ‘I was not prepared for this’ and ‘I have postpartum anxiety and depression so bad that I can barely function’. I even found a repeat theme of ‘where is my supposed village’. So is everyone having a bad day or is this really what parenting looks like for people? Because, it literally tears my heart in two to read all of these posts and hear the pain and despair in everyone’s voice! 

Now, make no mistake, there are a few people who absolutely love being a new parent and who are rested and got a shower this morning and put their makeup on and even had a chance to go to pilates class at the late morning session. They’re positively glowing with oxytocin! So, this article isn’t really for you. I am more than a little jealous of your swift and loving acclimation to parenthood….as is everyone else who will read this article. 

Early parenting is exhausting. It’s messy. It’s emotional. It’s relentless. It’s the best thing you’ve ever done. Did I mention it’s exhausting? When you bring your new baby home you will most likely be recovering from your delivery–whether your baby is born vaginally or via cesarean section–you will have a recovery period. You will have swelling and bleeding and soreness and things leaking from places you didn’t know they were going to leak. You may notice that you’re sweating now, like you never sweat before….perhaps you’re one of those glisten-ers? Now….now you are sweating like you’ve just run a marathon. And you woke up to your sheets and the bed being soaked around you. I bet you wondered for a brief moment if you actually peed the bed, didn’t you? No….you didn’t pee. And that wasn’t breastmilk. But, it was a side effect of all the fluctuation in hormones after your delivery. You woke up in a panicked sweat after ‘napping’ for a brief 2 hours….which, unfortunately, is all the sleep you got last night. Your baby seems to have his days and nights mixed up…. but guess what, this is the postpartum period looks like.

Now you find yourself crying all the time….

The thing is….all of those things could be manageable if there was an end in sight. You’re just days into your postpartum recovery and you still have no idea how to tell what your baby needs. They cry all the time, they always seem hungry and you’ve never seen anything poop that much! It’s easy to put all this in perspective as it gets easier over the early days. But, it’s just not getting easier. The more the time ticks past, the darker things get for you. You see, no one prepared you for the darkness that you see everyday when you wake up. You absolutely adore this baby….and you also just want all of this to end. You find yourself crying constantly….you’re not hungry anymore….and you’re just not interested in anything that you once were. You don’t even want to see your friends or family. You’ve now realized that there is one loop in your head, playing over and over. You have started obsessing about something terrible happening to your baby! You’ve started washing your hands and sanitizing everything over and over and over, obsessing about some illness taking your baby from you. You spend all of your waking moments, not resting, but cleaning everything, stressing, crying and now you started yelling at your partner over everything! You have become something you don’t even recognize.

Listen, I know you. I see you. I understand you. Because I was you! I struggled just like this. I went from being a sick patient during my pregnancy to an instant mother of 2. I found myself buried in an avalanche of anxiety and eventually depression SO DEEP, it took a hospitalization and a life altering intervention to save me. My baby was healthy! There was no reason for me to feel the way I did, right? But I fell so far into the depths of despair…. My postpartum depression and anxiety went on for YEARS before I finally snapped and had to get help. I have personally been to a land I call the land of the near-dead….and somehow I came back. Make no mistake, it was hell….but I came back. 

I wrote this article today to tell you to hold on for just a little longer. Reach out to someone you love and tell them you’re not feeling well. Tell your partner. Call your mom or your dad. Or, better yet, call Postpartum Support International. https://www.postpartum.net There are advocates either in your town or near you that can find help and counselors for you. Postpartum mood disorders-of any kind are NOT something to be ashamed of!

If it’s really bad….call the suicide & crisis hotline at 988. Even if this is the only thing you accomplish today, please do this. Your baby is begging you….And I am sending all the strength and sisterly love I can muster. 

If you live in Michigan, call my agency or send me a message. WE can help you on your postpartum recovery journey! Stay tuned for the story of my postpartum journey and all its gore….